Mom experience Guilt

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Many people have different experiences when on the journey to having and raising children. Sharing and updating everyone about your family on social media has become a normal for people to do. When people see how your family is doing they also look forward to the next post on how your journey is go. However not everyone is happy when they see updates on peoples families or journeys, whether because they can’t have children, or they can’t breastfeed, or even they want a Boy/Girl so badly that they become jealous. Being concern for other people’s feelings has caused people be afraid of posting their journeys.

Whether it’s struggling to conceive, miscarriages, or not being able to have children. Not being able to have the joy of getting that positive can hurt many people and cause a strain on them. Seeing friends post their exciting news of having a baby can make you recent your friend. I know from experience when I had a miscarriage in 2017 that I did not want to see other people posting and sharing stories of their babies. I unfollowed close friends and even asked family members not to send me pictures of nieces and nephews so that I can heal. I did not fully heal until I got a big fat positive test that got past the first trimester. Knowing how it feels to have a miscarriage, I did not post many pictures from when I was pregnant because I did not want to hurt people who were going through the same thing as I did.

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Breastfeeding is something many moms want to do when they first have a child, to be able to share the strong bond and know that you are producing food for your child. However many women’s milk does not come in, not enough milk to feed the baby, or they dry up before they are ready to quiet. This causes them to go to formula, something they didn’t want to do. Fed is best, but when you get invested in a way you want to do something, that when you are unable to do it you get hurt. I have been breastfeeding my now 8 and half month old son exclusively. I have not shared many things about my breastfeeding journey because I know several people who were unable to, I even lost a friend of almost 18 years because I am able to breastfeed.

I wish I didn’t feel guilty about my experiences whether it’s being able to have a baby or my breastfeeding journey. I am proud of what I have accomplished and would love to brag about it, but I don’t want to cause other people to have hurt feelings. I have learned a balance to what I share about my son, when I post I try think about how other will feel about this post. I know many people will be so happy to see updates, which is what drives me to share about my son.  I know I won’t get over the guilt after having first hand experiences from the other side, but I cannot let that make me afraid to move forward and share my life.

Having for a clingy baby

Having a baby that wants to be held all of the time can be very exhausting. Trying to get anything done can be hard and may take a lot longer to accomplish than necessary.

My son has always been a mommy’s boy and wants held by me all the time. The only other person who can hold him right away without him throwing a fit is my husband. He has his moments were he is good with other people holding him but it takes about a half hour for him to warm up or he will scream and look for mommy or daddy to grab him.

Here is a list of tips

Tip Strap on a baby carrier / Wrap

               Baby carriers and Wraps are amazingly useful tools. Having your hands free, while being able to hold your baby makes it easier to do things. Baby wearing can be done in several different ways, the baby facing you, baby facing out, and the baby on your back.

Tip Small trips of separation

               Taking small trips away from the baby or having the father take the baby on a small trip will help with separation. Trips to the grocery store or to get gas are small trips away from the baby that will give you a break and time to think and relax.  

Tip learn to do stuff one handed

               Once the baby is big enough to be held on your hip, you get a free hand to do stuff. You will quickly learn to be able to do laundry, cook and clean one handed.

Tip mommy and daddy scent

               The number one tip when you google or ask people for clingy baby advice they tell you to leave a shirt with your sent with the baby. They smell mommy or daddy and feel safe.

Tip introducing a lovey or other stuff animal/blanket

               Introducing a lovey or other stuff animal/blanket will help move the attachment from you to the new item. This will take time to introduce and may have to try several things.

Don’t call the baby a cry baby, they are human and are like the rest of us they are trying to figure things out. Don’t try to force baby to be more independent by getting them to crawl or walk when they are not ready to or want to. Trying to force the baby to be more independent when they are not ready will just cause them to be more delayed with crawling or walking

 Ever baby is different what works for one baby may not well for another. For instance introducing a lovey or other stuff animal/blanket did not work for my son who is very attached to me and since he is exclusively breastfed he’s attached to my breast.

Raising our Children Differently Than Our Parents

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Technology is always growing. With technology growing so is the ability to reach knowledge sooner.  Being able to look up things with parenting instead of having to asking our parents for everything or calling the doctor over every little scratch.

Our parents didn’t have access to the internet as easily as today parents. Because they didn’t have access so easily they didn’t have the pressure of social media to help shape their parenting. Social media helps connect friends and family together on a platform that people can share their lives. When we share our lives we want people to believe that we have it all together, that we are raising our children with the best healthy foods, the newest fashions, and having them doing so many activities as possible.

As technology grows the way to use it as also changed. Parents are turning to apps to help educate their children with new fun games. The use of tablets and phones have become a source of entertainment for to kids, even becoming a babysitter for parents.

The major changes that are different with parenting in modern times is the laws and safety regulations. One of the new laws is how soon to turn your child around in the car. It used to be after the child reaches a year, now its two to four years of age. Parents use to spank kids with no worry now if you spank your child you run the risk of losing your child with children protective services. American pediatrics academy is always doing research to make sure our children safe and releasing a set of guidelines. Such guidelines include when to introduce food to a baby now at 6 months instead of at 4 months.

Stories of children being taken from yards, walking home, or at stores have caused parents to keep their children’s inside more. Parents are more afraid than ever to let their children out of site. This has parents to be more involved with their children when outside so that children can stay in their site safely, but still have fun.

Fear of Mom Shame

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NO mom is perfect. NO child is raised perfectly.  Many moms are afraid to share stories or ask advice because the fear of being attacked by mom shammers.

Mom shaming is the judging and bullying of other moms for their parenting choices that they make for their child. Mom’s judge other moms over pretty much anything. Most moms who mom shame believe that they are doing what is best the child by telling the mom that what she is doing is wrong. Whether it is on what the child is eating/ drinking, wearing, or doing moms who mom shame will judge moms on. If a child isn’t raised to the way a mom is doing it with her child she will shame you.

I am a young mom. I became pregnant with my son at 23, had my son at 24. I have been mom shamed on social media because how young I am. The mom shammer believed I would be a bad mom because I didn’t have any “life experience” so I wouldn’t know how to raise my child. She tried to give me advice on how to raise me child since as she seen it “I didn’t know what I was doing”. Because I was mom shamed even before having my son I became afraid to share my journey with him and asked for advice from people knowing I would hear the “I told you so” comments.

I have also been a mom shammer when I thought a child was turned around so soon in against the APA guidelines. I felt bad messaging the mom the guidelines and laws, but I believed I was helping her do what was best for her child. She said thank you, but did not turn her child back around.

Whether you feed your child out of a box or organically, stay at home mom or working mom, feed your kids cow milk or not, spank your child or not, co sleep or not, use the cry it out method or hold your child all the time. You are a good mother and DO NOT be afraid to share your parenting journey. Just tell those mom shammers thank you for your opinion, then keep doing what is best for your child. Every child is different, everyone’s parenting style is different.

Preparing Your Pet For A Baby

Pets are a big part of people’s lives. The love an owner develops for a pet is strong, they become part of the family. Many people even prefer their dog’s or cat’s company over other people. So when it comes to making sure that our pets are comfortable is very important to us.

One thing that most people never think about when they get pregnant is preparing their dog for the new arrival. Our pets take time to adjust to things like we humans do. Babies come with a lot of stuff and noises. Giving your dog time to react to all the new changes before your new arrival comes into their space, will have a better outcome than just “ripping the band aid off” by bring the baby in. By letting your dog adjust to everything, you can keep your dog from lashing out at your baby, keeping the dog from becoming depressed, or the dog getting overly jealous.

When my husband and I first found out we were expecting our son we just got an Australian Sheppard a few months prior to finding out. She quickly became very spoiled, with a lot of toys and attention. We lucked out with her because she is very smart, she was pottied trained in only a few day of having her. However like most Aussies she is also very stubborn with picking up tricks she only wanted to learn sit, shake and lay down. Once we found out about our bundle of joy coming I started to look into what will help my spoiled Aussie expect my son. Here is what we did

Talk to your vet

Luckily for us we already had a vet appointment scheduled for our dog not long after we found out. We made sure she was updated on all shots and had no fleas or worms. We asked our vet what she recommended to get ready our dog ready. Some of the below listed is what she recommended.

Get baby’s stuff and set it up slowly over the 9 months.

 The number one thing our vet recommended is getting the baby stuff set up over 9 months instead of all at once. We set up the crib in the baby’s room first, then slowly set everything else up such as a swing and pack and plays. By slowly introducing things to her it helped her learn not to be afraid of them and to get use to them.

Baby Noises and Grabbing

We all know babies make a ton of noises from crying to babbling to just full on screaming.  Plus they also love to pull on things like hair and anything they can grab easily. We started to play baby sounds and very gently pulling on our dog to start getting her use to it. She was confused with the noises at first but adopted over time to the point that it didn’t make her confused or anxious her. The pulling did not phase her but helped her understand what to expect.  Of course we don’t let our baby pull on our dog but he does try to grab at her a lot. I can trust to know she wont bite him if he gets a pull on her fur.

Pets Safe Space and Dog Free Zones

Like humans dogs need to have their alone time and a space to have it.  Our dog uses her air kennel as her place she goes to when she is overwhelmed and needs some alone time. Having dog free zones are just as important as have a space for your dog. We have a play yard we set up when we want a dog free space and use pack and plays for safe places for baby to play away from the dog.

Play Time and Training

Your pet goes from having all the attention on them, to having to split the time, or even getting hardly anytime on them once the baby comes. Our dog is still a hyperactive puppy who needs to have time and attention to run around. My husband and I trade time out with the baby and the puppy, making sure they get time with both of us. When we are with our dog we try challenging her to help get energy out by working on training such as leave it command, stay and come command. Having playtime as a whole family is important, by showing both the dog and baby to be gentle with each other.

Making sure your dog feels at home and comfortable will make running your home easier. Our pets are family to us, preparing them for the new arrival is just as important as preparing ourselves

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